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Sabtu, 29 Agustus 2020

Aku Bebas

Tadi aku ketemu kamu. 

Tapi ternyata, baru kusadari aku tidak serindu itu. 

Sendi tubuhku tidak tertarik bergerak menghampirimu. 

Bibirku tidak berusaha mengucapkan kata untuk menyapa. 

Raut wajahku pun tidak melembut, semakin dingin, menyerupai rautmu. 

Aku banyak menunduk, tidak ingin melihat wajahmu. 

Seperkian waktu tadi, sempat ada aliran listrik statis menyergapku ketika aku merasakan hadirmu. 

Aku masuk ke dalam diri lebih jauh, mengukur rasa yang kusisihkan untukmu. 

Semakin aku menyelam, ternyata rasaku padamu sudah semakin padam. 

Saat semua rasa kembali netral, aku melihatmu, benar-benar melihatmu, dan ku tahu rasamu untukku pun sudah hilang. 

Sakitkah aku? Ternyata tidak terlalu. 

Ternyata aku bisa tersenyum padamu, tetap memberi perhatian tanpa harus takut kembali punya rasa. 

Lalu kubisa rasakan pundakku melemas, aku tahu aku siap melepaskan beban berat yang selama ini aku pilih untuk dipikul, aku bebas. 



Selasa, 25 Agustus 2020

A Letter to You. Happy Birthday!

 Hi you, the young girl with an ear-to-ear smile, itʻs been a long time not to speak to you directly. Happy birthday. Wishing you are proud of what youʻve become. Remember those days when we were dreaming of the path weʻre on today? Yes, dear, youʻve made it so far, youʻre on the track. May everything that happened these years made you wiser and more humble. You are already a quarter-century age, mature enough to be called an adult, but I hope the child spirit stays within.  Life was harder recently, right? But thank you for being resilient and keep moving on even there were so many rocks along the way. 

I also want to apologize for the hard times I put you. Sorry for making you toxic in some relationships you got in. For years, I always desperately need someoneʻs love to fill in the big hole inside, to ease your loneliness. I was wrong. You donʻt need anyone else, but me. I was too busy taking care of others, forgot you also need to be taken care of too. I was too arrogant, feel I know all about you, without sensing every sign you gave. Sorry for ignoring the crying days, the red flags you were forced me to notice.   

I also want to say sorry for every bad thing I said to you, decreasing your self-worth. From now on, I will try my best to love you more, hug you more, listen to you more. Donʻt let anything, or anyone dims your light. Shine on. Please keep in mind that you donʻt need to be somebody else, you are enough. 

Enjoy your day, dear me. I promise to make your beautiful ear-to-ear smile stays. May the world grants you much love, happiness, and peace as your warmth spreads all around! 


25/8/1995-25/8/2020